How to support a friend through pet loss grief

Losing a pet is one of the hardest experiences many of us with pets will ever face. For some, losing a pet is harder than losing a human in their life.  For those who may not have experienced it firsthand, it’s easy to not fully understand the grief that comes with the loss of a beloved animal companion.  Until I lost Lance, I did not fully understand what it was like to lose a pet.

As a friend or loved one, you may feel unsure how to offer support. But, just as we would for any other significant loss, it’s important to show up with empathy and understanding. Here are three ways to help someone through the loss of their pet.

1. Acknowledge their grief

One of the top ways to help your loved one is to acknowledge the loss of their pet and their grief.  We are a grief illiterate society and may not know what to say to someone who has lost a pet. I lost Lance over a year ago and I still have friends and family who have never mentioned Lance’s loss to me. Going through the loss of a pet can be lonely at time.  Saying things like, “it was just a dog” or “You still have another dog” are ways of dismissing the grief someone is going through.

Pets are family and their absence leaves a deep void. Acknowledging their grief by saying something as simple as a “I”m sorry for your loss” can go a long way. They want to know they are not alone in their grief and want to feel others care.

2. Be present and listen

Sometimes the best support comes from simply being there for your loved one. You don’t have to have the perfect words or solutions. Someone who is going through grief doesn’t need solutions. They need validation and someone who will be there for them.

Offer to come over and sit with them. If they feel like reminiscing, ask about their pet. Listen to their stories. Ask how they met their pet, what was the funniest thing their pet ever did,  and other questions like what made their pet special and unique. If they are up for it, let them show your their pet’s photos and ask questions.

Being available, whether it’s sitting with them or talking with them across the country shows you care. Letting your friend share their pet’s story can be healing for them.

3. Understand grief has no timeline and does its own thing

Everyone will process grief differently. There is no “right” way to grieve and there is no set time to when your friend will go back to “normal.” Suggesting your loved one to “get over it” is incredibly hurtful and invalidates their grief. Continue to check in by asking how they are doing or even sending texts and messages letting them know you’re thinking of them shows your friend you are continuing to support them.

Your compassion, understanding, and support are invaluable and more appreciated than you will probably ever know. Acknowledging your friend’s grief, listening to their stories, and showing them compassion and empathy will help your friend as they go through their pet loss grief journey. And remember, it’s not all about knowing the right things to say, but by simply being there and showing up for your friend.